3 Steps You Need Deal With Child Disobedience
“The driver on the highway is safe not when He reads the signs, but when He obeys them.” ~ Aiden Wilson Tozer
Child disobedience is a universal phenomenon that every parent experiences. You can observe it in all stages of child development. No matter whether they are newborns or infants or toddlers or preschool children or school-going children or adolescents, they all express disobediences.
If you are a parent now, you will think it is wrong. Remember the time when you were kids and you deliberately or unintentionally disobey your parents. It is the love of your parents that makes you grow in life.
I am in the opinion that all acts of child disobedience are not unpleasant. However, recurring disobedience is a matter of concern; and it causes inevitable problems for parents.
In this article, you will learn my three recommendations to root the child’s disobedience behavior out methodically. You will also know child disobedience misconceptions.
I base all these views on my own experiences. Remember, I am neither a philosopher nor a psychologist. Like you, I was already a child; and now I am a father too. That inspires me to write on child disobedience. I, therefore, share here my perspective on it.
What is child disobedience?
“No. No. No.” A Mother raised her eyebrows and shouted at her three years old- daughter.
“I will take one chocolate. Please, mama.” The innocent baby requested.
“No means no. You have already gulped many.” Mother warned.
“Please…” the daughter said, emphasizing on the word, please.
She dared to take one more chocolate from the chocolate Box and hurried back to her study table. But her mother was keeping her eyes on her. She ran after her daughter to catch her. At last, she captured her. She slapped her till her satisfaction.
Was the daughter disobedient?
Was the mother cruel?
The daughter was not disobedient, but fond of chocolates.
The mother was not heartless, but concerned about the daughter.
What is missing here?
What is going wrong here?
You will get answers here shortly.
Disobedience is a failure or refusal to obey rules or someone in authority. Parents are the authority. When children refuse instructions or orders for their parents or seniors, they exhibit disobedience.
Child Disobedience means deliberately not doing what parents or seniors to children tell children to do, or what a rule or law says that they should do.
If they disobey, they also show indiscipline to some extent. Hence nip the child’s disobedience in the bud.
How to handle child disobedience? 3 Suggestions
You should not feel guilty about not becoming exemplary parents as your children disobey you. You need first your introspection before taking medical help.
Why do children disobey?
There are several reasons. Some important reasons are as below:
• Parental expectations vs. reality
• Child’s temperament, moods and confusions
• Study-linked problems
• Peer pressure or extraneous influences
• Unattended stress and depression
• Unresolved conflicts
To redress this problem, you need to give attention to your children. I recommend you below three points to ponder over to handle the child’s disobedience situations.
#1. Convert Your Control to Your Care
To be parents gives automatic control over children. You often mix your controlling behaviors with your caring activities. Children perceive a negative connotation to your authority over them. They want equality.
Whenever you control your siblings, they equally develop oppositions in response. Those suppressed oppositions result in disobedience.
You work on converting your control or supervisions to your cares. Make your children understand you care for them and not just control them.
This positivity will build an influential foundation for obedience.
How will you do that?
You may try this:
• Talk to them like friends do.
• Avoid harsh words in conversations.
• Keep smiling while your instructor orders them.
• Hug them usually.
• Listen to them and provide opportunities to express themselves.
• Give valid and convincing reasons for whatever you want they do.
• Spent quality time with them.
I like to quote here Leo Buscaglia who said, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Such small things will cause the desired outcomes.
#2. Shift your children’s dependence on freedom
If anyone asks me what are you indebted to your parents, my answer is freedom. Freedom for me is fearlessness, self-expression and living life as it is.
Why do I emphasize on freedom?
It is because freedom is priceless. Your children depend on you for everything. Their dependence is the prime reason for obeying you. They think they have all rights reserved for doing anything they desire. They love freedom.
When they sense that their freedom is in danger, they disobey. It means you should create opportunities and give independence to your children. Allow your children to decide, take actions and commit mistakes. That will induce the quality of confidence, self-esteem, self-dependence and gratitude in them.
To commit mistakes is not a sin. You know it that to err is human. Let them explore and taste independence and freedom.
I love what Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”
You, as the responsible parents, must have such a spirit.
#3. Be curious and respect the curiosity of your kids
Let me quote Plato here.
“Learning is by nature, curiosity.” Plato.
Children are unaware of many things. They have a natural curiosity to know the unknown. That is their first method of learning anything.
During their growth from newborn baby to adolescents, they undergo many physiological and psychological changes. These changes also affect their behaviors and curiosity.
Many times, they find their curiosity is not getting due attention. That is why they disobey.
You must show regards for the curiosity of your kids. Handle their innocent and delicate inquisitiveness with care. You should also be curious. So, you can match the same level of energy as your children have.
You cannot underestimate the need for obedience in your life. Every family wants obedient members. Our society needs obedient neighbors. An educational institution requires obedient students. Any country needs obedient citizens. Obedience in life is necessary. It always supports holistic growth and brings harmony in the long run.
In short, I want you to allow your children some disobedience acts, to avoid more controls over them and to focus on better care with love, to be curious and to respect the curiosity of your children. By doing so, you can check the occurrences of disobedience.
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(This Article was first published on medium.com)